We’re recognizing the power and strength of women in the outdoors this month, and in this space we’re going to acknowledge that by talking about fear. Fear is a gift—not a curse, not a burden, and not something to be avoided. Stick with me, it’ll make sense soon. It flows into my argument about self-defense for women.
THE BEAR AND THE MAN
If you’ve spent much time on social media lately, you’ve seen the memes and random arguments over the man vs. bear question. No, this isn’t about the TV show only some of us remember. This is about the question of whether women in the outdoors alone in the woods would prefer to run into a man or a bear. The rules are that we know nothing about the man (or the bear). It’s a stranger, and it’s safe to assume said man randomly appears in the middle of a mountain range or a forest where you didn’t expect to run into another person. Women overwhelmingly stated they chose the bear, which prompted much angst and fighting on both sides.
This isn’t about the man or the bear, though. This is about fear.
RESISTANCE TO FEAR
Mark Twain wrote that “courage is resistance to fear… mastery of fear…not absence of fear.” I’d expand on that by reminding you that fear is healthy. We all have that primal hindbrain response to danger, and fear is the reaction that saves us, if only we acknowledge it. And when it comes to self-defense, we don’t walk around armed because we’re afraid. We do it because we have a healthy respect and understanding of the realities of life. We know danger and risk are real, and we’re prepared to face it—scared or not.
Choosing the bear isn’t about fear, really—it’s about facing the predictably wild or the unpredictable, potential evil. Wild animals are pretty predictable, but humans are not. So, did this little social experiment mean women are living in fear? Of course not.
THE LITTLE WOMAN
There was a time when women were not only encouraged but expected to rely on the strength of a man for safety. I’m not saying there’s anything exactly wrong with feeling or being safe with a man—because there’s not—but only that women should be capable of protecting themselves. There’s no excuse for being helpless. We are not helpless, frail creatures whose very existence counts on the generosity of men. In fact, I’d take that even further by saying we make better partners when we’re strong.
Learning to understand, channel, and utilize fear correctly can be tough. Everyone is different, and all women have varying responses to fear—real or imagined. We must learn to properly recognize and analyze fear, handle an adrenaline dump, and take logical action despite whatever fear is rushing through our brains. There’s no reason to walk around in a constant state of fear and no reason to react to every person you encounter with fear, not when you’ve worked to hone the correct mindset.
BUT WAIT…BACK TO THE BEAR
Do you know why I’d rather run into a bear in the woods? Because the bear belongs there and isn’t likely to bother me. And if he does bother me, well, I’m armed.
READ THAT LAST SENTENCE AGAIN.
Now let’s say you’ve run into a strange, unpredictable man in the middle of the woods. Do you run in terror? Do you go on high alert, heart hammering, pulse-pounding? Or do you simply acknowledge that there’s a person there and give their presence the importance it demands? Are you armed, or are you out there skipping through the fields of foxglove, hoping for the best? Are you Maria spinning on a mountaintop or Ripley on a spaceship?
You don’t avoid going hiking or camping out of fear you’ll run into a stranger (at least I hope you don’t). And you don’t avoid the outdoors for fear a bear might materialize. But when you’re camping, you take precautions to discourage bears from invading your campsite, right? You’re not leaving food lying around or otherwise putting out the welcome mat for wild animals, are you? Then why would you leave the proverbial door open for strangers who might mean you harm?
MAN, BEAR, WHATEVER
Ladies, you are your own first responder. No one is coming to save you and there are no knights on white horses. It’s your job to rescue yourself. Being responsibly armed isn’t about fear, it’s about acknowledging that life is risk, and moving on. You’re armed, you’re prepared, you’re participating in training—you’re good to go.
Our lives are not and should not be about fear. Fear isn’t a curse, and it isn’t the exclusive property of women. Fear can be approached like a tool, an emotion that lets you know you should be paying attention and prepared to respond accordingly if the situation requires it. Fear isn’t a terminal illness; it is a gift.
Instead of worrying—or fighting—about whether to choose the man or the bear, why not just choose the woods? There’s nothing more peaceful or healing than time spent in the outdoors.
Don’t let fear dictate your life. That doesn’t mean I’m endorsing being stupid, only that letting fear over an imagined scenario stop you from living your life isn’t worth it. Don’t be a potential victim. Be a victor. You’ve got this, ladies. Forget the man, bear, hyena, whatever—choose being responsibly armed, and choose time spent in the outdoors. You won’t regret it.
See other Armed and Responsible columns by Kat Stevens
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